My husband is an MD who is finishing his residency and starting a new fellowship in a couple weeks. We have been married for almost seven years, and he has gradually exhibited more extreme inappropriate reactions to minor irritations and perceived slights. Things are either "right" or "wrong" and "people who do stupid things deserve to be berated so they learn their lesson and don't do it again." If I sleep in on the weekend, it's because I don't want to spend time with him However, when we do spend time together, he doesn't want to talk or do anything in particular. On the other hand, he can be sweet, thoughtful, and has always held providing for us and loyalty to friends as very important.
Last Friday we went to his graduation where several things severely irritated him. When we came home, he sat outside in the rain for a half hour, then came inside and was trying to hang an electrical extension cord over the eyebeam in the basement to hang himself when I caught him. He told me to close the basement door, turn up the TV and pretend nothing was happening. I of course refused and eventually ended up putting him to bed. During the course of the night, he said he had made a rational decision that his life would never be worthwhile, human life and society as a whole is meaningless, and I should respect his decision. He said if he has a right to life, he also has a right to death, and my stopping him was proving I did not care about him. He said he'd been thinking about suicide since he was eight, and that if I stopped him now, he would just bide his time until later. He then went on to describe all the times when he's alone when I wouldn't be able to intervene. He has said if I contact anyone or have him committed, he will file divorce papers the day he is released from the mandatory holding period and I will never see him again. He said he can easily fool people into thinking everything is fine, and I doubt he would be held longer than the mandated maximum of a few days.
I want to bring up the topic of evaluation and therapy again, when he's not in the middle of a crisis, but I don't know the best way to begin. He is resistant, he says as a doctor himself, he is trained in all illness, and no one else could tell him anything he doesn't already know. He has also balked at the idea of medications because he doesn't want the mental side effects they can produce.
I love my husband and can tell he is in such pain. I want to help him with all my heart and don't know how.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.