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Mental Disorders

Ask Anne: Relationship Advice
Ask Anne
Relationship Questions

Lack of Identity

I have to start by thanking you for this service I have been looking desperately for an answer to my confusing mind. and it's amazing and rare to find people like you. I am a chronic depressed person with high level of anxiety and have many symptoms of the borderline disorder specifically the lack of identity.. I am 28 years old but I don't know who I am, I don't know what I want, I don't where I am going.. I work as a customer service representative with the lowest quality of people where I have to show all respect and super empathy.. I don't have the energy to listen to my family or friends after all those customers vent on me and it's emotionally draining... I met this guy who is interested in me for the sake of marriage, we started going with each other and I was really put off by he has psychological back ground that is full of depression, panic attacks, anxiety.. and it scares me. I think to myself that I might accept this person who needs support desperately and I don't know if I have the capacity to cope with roller coaster mood and reactions I didn't not open up to this person about my emotional struggles mainly because I don't trust him, he talks too much and he shares his deep self so easily with many people, he is hyper sensitive and me too. he needs someone to listen to him and so do I. he needs to be loved and accepted and so do I. we have similar desperate unmet needs and I am afraid both of us will be disappointed. my problem is that I try to sacrifice and go the extra mile with him but I always feel he is too selfish.. and I don't know what to do.. would that ever change if gets cured? my question is taking into consideration that I have limited options because of my community, is it wise to give him the full background about me? would our mutual struggles be a solid background that we can understand each other and build up each other? or is it better to choose a healthy person relatively.. but no one is perfect anyway and I will have to cope with someone's imperfections.. so is it wise to give this person a real chance.. would I think about him differently if one day I got healed and cured.. he needs to be taken care of, as much as I desperately do.. will our same needs and similar struggles repel us from each other.. can I get some advice? with all appreciation



  • 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
  • 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
  • Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
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